Resources & References

I wanted to list various resources and references in a separate post. A lot of what I speak about is from my own personal experiences, however I realise how important it is to have good, solid references and sources of information, and I certainly want to aim to provide relevant, up-to-date and accurate information too. If anything I say is clinically inaccurate, please let me know and I will endeavour to correct the mistake. I am human like everyone else, and I realise that having an online presence opens me up to criticism and correction. I'm open to constructive criticism and willing to continue educating myself. That said, I won't respond to hate or destructive criticism. If I've posted something that is upsetting or inaccurate from a clinical point of view, please let me know in a polite manner and I'll look into it.

So without further ado, here is a list of resources and references. Note: I will be continually updating this post to add or remove resources over time. Also note that although I add Wikipedia as a resource, I am very aware that it's not the most accurate site. I sometimes go to Wiki for clarification on certain things and as such, it needs to be listed.

YouTubers who have a passion for spreading awareness and have helped us to understand ourselves: Multiplicity and Me

The Entropy System

Fragmented Psyche

The CTAD Clinic

Carolyn Spring

Encina Severa

Dr Tracy Marks

Websites

PODS (Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors)

Sane Australia

Wikipedia

The Mayo Clinic

DSM-5

Heart for Truth

E.R.S.Nijenjuis

Trauma and Dissociative Disorders Explained

The Aces Free Course

12 Ways to Build Trust with Someone who has DID

27 Things People with DID Really Want you to Know

Books

Am I a Good Girl, Yet? - Carolyn Bramhall (Heart for Truth)

Connecting the Fragments - Carolyn Bramhall (Heart for Truth)

The Dissociative Identity Disorde Sourcebook - Deborah Bray Haddock

Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder - Elizabeth F. Howell

At this stage in my journey (as of 28/08/2020) I don't have a huge list of resources. I realise that and am working on broadening that list and my own education. Please bear with me on this. I have also deliberately not included a certain YouTuber due to the drama and controversy surrounding this person, however I did learn a lot through their channel. I won't be addressing the drama, so please don't ask. I have my own private thoughts on it and am not wanting to discuss it further.

I will also be working towards getting a degree in Psychology, and I realise this will take several years. That in itself will broaden my resources and I'll be sure to provide those links as and when I use them if appropriate.

And as I always advise... do not self diagnose or look to Google for your diagnosis. If you feel you may have either D.I.D. or B.P.D, please speak to your doctor or mental health professional to get a formal diagnosis.

BPD: The Ugly Truth

Why is living with Borderline Personality Disorder so hard? Honestly, I personally find it harder to cope with this than the Dissociative Identity Disorder. At least D.I.D. makes sense in my head, but B.P.D. seems pointless and distressing all the time. Can anyone relate?

I can't speak for others, but in my own personal life, having B.P.D. has been one of the hardest disorders I've had the misfortune of dealing with every single day. The unstable emotions that seem to swing to and fro, the unstable relationships and the crippling fear of abandonment all make for an extremely unpleasant existence.

The fear of abandonment for people with B.P.D. is real. Sufferers will go to great lengths to avoid being abandoned, and sadly, their efforts are what ultimately drive people away. It's a "self-fulfilling prophesy". It's sad and tragic and forms a cycle of self loathing and misery. It's so hard to break out of that cycle, and often can't be done alone. Therapy is usually needed to learn the tools necessary to be able to keep the B.P.D. at bay and use our rational, logical mind rather than our irrational and emotional mind. It involves reprogramming the mind to take a step back from our feelings and look at the situation rationally and logically. And that takes practice. I've still not mastered it, but I think I am a little better than our former Core/Host, Linda was. Marginally.

People with B.P.D. can unintentionally come across as needy and demanding, and generally they don't mean to. I know I don't! I have often had to step back and apologise to people for being needy, demanding or even manipulative without even realising I'm doing it! It's hard to admit this about myself, but I want you to know that I'm a real human with real problems and I am also willing to admit my faults and show that I'm working on them in my own life. It takes courage to be able to admit when you're wrong about something. And courage isn't the absence of fear... courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway!

Add on top of an irrational fear of abandonment, the very extreme emotions that swing from one to another without any rhyme or reason. One minute I can be calm, even happy, and the next I am sobbing uncontrollably, or furious beyond reason and there doesn't seem to be any obvious triggers. B.P.D. has been mistaken for Bi-Polar Disorder due to the wide and extreme emotional responses. The smallest situation can cause me to snap; either sobbing and incredibly depressed or lash out in a towering fury that seems to come out of nowhere. It's frightening and difficult to control. It takes vast amounts of energy and determination to force myself to step back from my emotions and try to look at the situation objectively, and frankly, some days I simply don't have the energy.

Why is all this so hard to deal with? Because it's exhausting. It's irritating. It's inconvenient. It's irrational. And above all, it simply doesn't seem to make sense. The highly impulsive, explosive nature of this disorder makes it not only hard for the sufferer, but for friends and family members, as they can be left reeling from the hurricane of emotional outbursts, impulsivity, recklessness and chaos that ensues. It can be downright ugly... especially for the sufferer. It's hard. It hurts. And most people who have the disorder hate it with a passion. Not to mention the other types of behaviours that tend to go hand-in-hand with B.P.D: substance abuse, eating disorders, reckless and often dangerous behaviours, suicide and self-harm ideation... it all takes its toll.

But it is manageable. You can heal from it. It takes work, dedication and a willingness to rewire your brain to healthier ways to manage life and emotions and relationships. Not gonna lie... it isn't easy. But it is possible. And for some, it may be a lifetime commitment of working at it every single day. But the rewards will be worth it. I promise! Nothing good in life is ever easy, but they are always worth the hard work and effort. I'm not going to give up on my pursuit of healing from this, even if it takes the rest of my life. And if I can do it... on top of having D.I.D, anxiety, depression and a whole range of other stressors in my life, then so can you! As always, I believe in you!

Olivia Rose explains BPD in her video really well... and explains how hard it is to live with this debilitating disorder. View here.

Thanks for reading, and wherever you are, whatever time it is for you, have a wonderful day. ❤

I Will Rise

One of my friends shared this on Facebook and it touched me so deeply that I wanted to share it here. All credit goes to the author. I did not write this. But it is so beautiful and so true. I hope that as you read it, you will find comfort and peace too.

❤

An inspirational quote by S. L. Heaton

I was lying on my back

in the middle of a place

called rock bottom,

and through the tears I saw it,

one small ray of light,

and beyond the screams of why

I heard it,

a faint whisper of hope.

I will forever be searching

for a reason to believe,

because you see,

falling down has always been my forte,

but staying down will never be my style.

I Will Rise

S.L. Heaton